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Sometimes
a person is best described by using their own words. That is why I
chose to interview Lonica Lee Halley for her portroids' page.
Ado,
ado, ado, without further ado ... I present "The Interview".
PORTROIDS: What do you want people to know about you that
they don't already know?
LONICA
LEE HALLEY: (silence - for literally
two months) (OK ... I'll answer for her) (in Loni voice) I hate to
be interviewed.
P:
Oh, that's a very interesting answer, and something I didn't already
know. Next question: Hypothetically, if by some cruel trick of fate,
both of our spouses were no longer our spouses (like if Michael
went off to the desert to save the whales and he didn't return for
like two weeks, and Erica went skydiving
and broke her leg and was bed-ridden and I got sick of taking care
of her), and you and I decided to get married, would you (a strict
vegetarian) cook meat for me (a fierce and savage carnivore)?
LLH:
(again, no answer - maybe she thinks "hypothetical" is the
same as "rhetorical")(if she wasn't so disresepectful of
the "interview process", I'm sure she would say ...) That
is so far-fetched that I refuse to answer.
P:
Far-fetched, or so real that it just blew your mind?
LLH:
(disgruntled,
defiant, and continually mute)
P: Do you
always use your middle name "Lee", or was that just special
for portroids? Follow up question: are you still going by the name
"Lee Halley: Karate-Chop Master", or has that fad faded?
LLH
(LH:K-CM): (quiet, oh so quiet) (in
Loni voice) I was nervous, so I signed my full name. And the whole
Karate-Chop Master thing was your creation, not mine.
P: Next
question: How psyched are you to finally have your portroid taken
and posted? I mean, how psyched are you?
LLH:
(true to form, she stays silent) (I'll field this
one for her) I'm psyched out of my gourd! This is every girl's dearest
dream! You are the greatest!
P:
I couldn't agree more. Now, final question: What about that whole
married/meat thing?
LLH:
This interview is over.
There
you have it folks, the straight chop from the karate-chop master.
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